We have just moved… rather I have just moved… again. I have moved over 25 times in my life 7 different cities, multiple moves within those cities, and back to some after I had moved away.
I’m sitting in my living room today with my husband playing his latest video game, while I hear my kids(4 and 5) fight for what seems like the 1000 time today and I think…
I have nothing in my life thats just for me that I love doing.
Everything in my life revolves around my husband and children. I do everything for them. I eat what they like, I do what they like, I cook what they like and very rarely do I do anything I like. My “likes” and hobbies have been reformed around my husbands hobbies. He encourages me to get out and do something, invite someone out… but really I have so few people in my life anymore that I dont have anyone I could just call up and go out with. Not to mention I have no clue what to do. Go out to dinner….? Go see a movie…? Ye-haw!….
I have become so isolated. I understand mom friendships… infact I dont understand adult friendships at all. I’ve moved so many times I have no roots. I have no friendships that go back to Kindergarten. Or even to University. I dont have a close knit group of friends, and let me tell you… breaking into those groups of friendships seems next to impossible. So what do i do instead? I spend time on facebook, pinterest… watch another movie with my husband, or another episode of Downton Abbey(which lets face it… isn’t bad at all!)
But I’ve run out of movies to watch… I’ve lost the desire to sit doing nothing. I used to be a crazy active person. I peaked mountains for peats sake! I was a starting center basketball player for years! I would spend hours roller blading, I would spend hours upon hours dancing in our basement, choreographing dances. I even preformed them at youth events. I miss going out for drinks with friends, I miss doing things with friends every other day… or even every day.
There are things that interest me. But nothing I have taken on and run with. Not to say that I dont like them, but that I feel guilty about leaving my husband home with the kids. That he is sitting spending hours with the TV when I could stay home and spend time with him. But I’ve done that for 7 years… and now I’m left lonely and unsure of the things I myself like. So I’ve decided to make a change. Take hold of my own life, and change the things I can.
From now on, I will do the things I love even if no one wants to do them with me. No one wants to explore the river valley, I’ll go alone. If just the kids want to go, then just the kids and I will go. I have to stop taking responsibility for everyone else’s happiness, becuase i well and truly can’t control it. BUT I can control mine, and my happiness will trickle down into my family.
I will start off with my own walks, whenever I feel like going for a walk/explore I’m going to go even if no one else wants to go. i think that will help with my being happier. And in that It will trickle down into other things that I like, and that I can control. Once I’ve done that I think I will feel much more even keeled!